Overcoming shyness is a process and does take time. But as I stand and look back over the years there are a few things I wish I knew when I was 15 that would have made the process a little easier.
1. Understand your social needs.
Different people have different social needs. For some people staying home reading is a perfect night whereas others would find such solitude boring. I use to look at a movies and television shows and the popular kids at school and assumed that I should enjoy going to parties each weekend, that I should enjoy socializing as much as possible. But I didn’t like to go out all the time and felt like there was something wrong with me for not wanting to. I wish someone had told me that it was okay to not want to go out each weekend. In fact staying home and reading is a fine way to spend a Saturday night.
I can still remember the exact weekend I found my balance. I had made plans to go out with some friends and found myself dreading it. We had been out the night before and I couldn’t understand why I just wanted to stay home. After much deliberation I cancelled. The second I cancelled I felt so much better, so much lighter. I went to bed early that night and read for hours – it was paradise. It was that evening that I realized that my social needs weren’t as large as most of my friends and later I realized that this is because I am an introvert. This is neither better nor worse than my extroverted friends – it’s just different. Where a night at home with a book would bore them, I loved it. The key of course is to find your own balance. Some people prefer to go out every opportunity whereas other people prefer to stay at home and read some nights and go out occasionally.
Finding your balance.
The best place to start is to look at your current social activities and decide if you would prefer to interact more, less or about the same. And don’t assume you should enjoy more social activity because that’s what everyone else does. Ask yourself honestly.
Keeping your balance.
Changing situations such as moving towns, going away to school, or friends moving etc. can mean your social needs are no longer being met. I have moved a few times and both times I joined a local gym. This helped me meet new people in an environment I felt comfortable in and resulted in my social balance being restored. Everyone needs some time socializing and some time alone; the trick is to find what balance suites you best.
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